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Family Tree

Family Tree: Self-Control

Self Control
Jackson Sandefer


Proverbs 25:28 ESV
A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.

Galatians 5:22-23 ESV
22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.

2 Peter 1:5-7 ESV
5 For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue,[a] and virtue with knowledge, 6 and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, 7 and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.

Proverbs 16:32 ESV
Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27 ESV
24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. 25 Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. 26 So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. 27 But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.

Titus 2:11-12 ESV
11 For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, 12 training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age,


Points:

Lack of self control is a GATEWAY

SELF- control is about
OTHERS

Self control is the
GREATER WORK

Family Tree: Gentleness

Family Tree
Part 8
Gentleness

Gentleness is not weakness it is STRENGTH UNDER CONTROL.

1 Timothy 6:11
“…As a man of God pursue what God approves of, Godliness, faith, love, endurance and GENTLENESS”


Three Benefits of Gentleness

1. Gentleness settles people down

Proverbs 15:1

“A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.”


2. Gentleness draws people in

Proverbs 25:15b MSG
“…GENTLE speech breaks down rigid defenses.”

Loud gets EARS but Gentle gets HEARTS.

Proverbs 16:21 GNB
“A wise, mature person is known for understanding. The more pleasant his words, the more PERSUASIVE he is”

2 Timothy 2:24-25 NCV
“And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, a good teacher, and patient. The Lord’s servant must GENTLY teach those who disagree. Then maybe God will let them change their minds so they can accept the truth.”

Matthew 11:28
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Romans 2:4

“…God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance”


3. Gentleness shows people love

Colossians 3:19 NCV
“Husbands, love your wives and be gentle with them.”




Ephesians 6:1-4 TLB
“Children, obey your parents; this is the right thing to do because God has placed them in authority over you. Honor your father and mother. This is the first of God’s Ten Commandments that ends with a promise. And this is the promise: that if you honor your father and mother, yours will be a long life, full of blessing.
And now a word to you parents. Don’t keep on scolding and nagging your children, making them angry and resentful. Rather, bring them up with the loving discipline the Lord himself approves, with suggestions and godly advice.”

Isaiah 40:11
“He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young"


How do we grow this fruit of Gentleness on our family tree?


1. Lead with STRONG VALUES and a SOFT VOICE!

Philippians 4:5
“Let your gentleness be evident to all”

Proverbs 15:4 ESV
“A gentle tongue is a tree of life”

I Peter 3:15
“But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…”


2. Teach your kids to have a STRONG IDENTITY and a QUIET CONFIDENCE.

John 13:2-4
“The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. JESUS KNEW that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist.”


Family Tree: Faihfulness

Family Tree
Part 7
Faithfulness

1. Faithfulness is RARE

Proverbs 20:6 NIV
“Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?”

2. Faithfulness is REQUIRED

Luke 12:48 NIV
“From everyone who has been given much, much will be required; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”

1 Corinthians 4:2 NIV
“Now it is required that those who have been given a trust must prove faithful.”

3. Faithfulness is REWARDED

Proverbs 28:20 NIV
“A faithful person will be richly blessed.

Proverbs 3:1-4 NIV
“My son, do not forget my teaching, but keep my commands in your heart, for they will prolong your life many years and bring you peace and prosperity. Let love and FAITHFULNESS never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. Then you will WIN FAVOR and a good name in the sight of God and man.”

How do I grow the faithfulness on my family tree?

Faithfulness is more caught than taught.

1. GROW UP - MATURITY

I Corinthians 13:11 NIV
“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.”

2. SHOW UP - CONSISTENCY

It’s the CONSISTENCY in the mundane moments that adds up to become a LEGACY that carries on in our children.

Deuteronomy 6:4-9
“Hear O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commands that I give you today are to be upon your heart, impress them on your children, talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates”

3. LINE UP - INTEGRITY


Family Tree: Goodness

Family Tree
Part 6
Goodness

Galatians 5:16-23
 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.
The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.


Three things that we can notice about Goodness…

1. God is Good

James 1:17 ESV
“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” 

1 John 1:5 ESV
“God is light, in him there is no darkness at all.” 

Titus 3:3-8 NIV
At one time we too were foolish, disobedient, deceived and enslaved by all kinds of passions and pleasures. We lived in malice and envy, being hated and hating one another. But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone.


2. You were created to do good

Ephesians 2:10 NIV
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

3. You are capable of doing good

2 Peter 1:3 NIV
His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.

2 Corinthians 9:8 NIV
And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.


Three things that happen when we have the Goodness of God flowing through us.

Luke 10:30-35 NIV
In reply Jesus said: “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, when he was attacked by robbers. They stripped him of his clothes, beat him and went away, leaving him half dead. A priest happened to be going down the same road, and when he saw the man, he passed by on the other side. So too, a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’


1. We have Compassion

Luke 10:33 NIV
But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him.

Philippians 2:1-3 NIV
Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves,

2. We are Generous

Luke 10:34-35 NIV
He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. The next day he took out two denarii[e] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’

3. We Invest Time

Luke 10:34 NIV
He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him.



Family Tree : Kindness

Family Tree
Part 5
Kindness


2 Corinthians 6:4-6
Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love.

1. Kindness can lead to change

Romans 2:3-4 MSG
3-4 You didn’t think, did you, that just by pointing your finger at others you would distract God from seeing all your misdoings and from coming down on you hard? Or did you think that because he’s such a nice God, he’d let you off the hook? Better think this one through from the beginning. God is kind, but he’s not soft. In kindness he takes us firmly by the hand and leads us into a radical life-change.

2. Kindness can equip our family 

Ruth 2:13-14
“May I continue to find favor in your eyes, my lord,” she said. “You have put me at ease by speaking kindly to your servant—though I do not have the standing of one of your servants.”
At mealtime Boaz said to her, “Come over here. Have some bread and dip it in the wine vinegar.” When she sat down with the harvesters, he offered her some roasted grain. She ate all she wanted and had some left over.

Ephesians 4:29 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

3. Kindness makes us like Jesus

Proverbs 15:1 CEV
A kind answer soothes angry feelings, but harsh words stir them up.

Ecclesiastes 10:4
If a ruler’s anger rises against you, do not leave your post; calmness can lay great offenses to rest.

Ephesians 4:31-32 AMP
Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor [perpetual animosity, resentment, strife, fault-finding] and slander be put away from you, along with every kind of malice [all spitefulness, verbal abuse, malevolence]. Be kind and helpful to one another, tender-hearted [compassionate, understanding], forgiving one another [readily and freely], just as God in Christ also forgave you.

Family Tree: Patience

Family Tree
Part 4
Patience

1. Jesus is patient with Peter’s FEARS.

2. Jesus is patient with Peter’s FAILURES.

3. Jesus was patient with Peter’s FAITH.
2 Peter 3:9
“The Lord is not slow in doing what he promised—the way some people understand slowness. But God is being PATIENT with you. He does not want anyone to be lost, but he wants all people to change their hearts and lives.”
How do we learn to be patient with each other?

1. See POTENTIAL

2. Show MERCY

James 2:12-13
“Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.”

Ephesians 4:32
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Colossians 3:13
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”

3. Seek God’s HELP

Galatians 5:19-22
“The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT is LOVE, joy, peace, PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”


Family Tree: Peace

Family Tree - Part 3
Peace

Galatians 5:16-21
“So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.”

James 1:19-20
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.”

Three very important fertilizers for growing PEACE

1. LISTEN CAREFULLY

James 1:19
“everyone should be QUICK TO LISTEN and slow to speak.”

Proverbs 18:2
“ A fool finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions.”

A. Repeat back to the other person what they said.

B. Validate the other person’s feelings.


2. SPEAK WISELY

James 1:19
“Everyone should be quick to listen and slow to speak.”

Proverbs 21:23
“Watch your tongue and
keep your mouth shut and you will stay out of trouble.”

A. Should it be said?

B. Should it be said now?

C. Why am I saying it?


3. FORGIVE QUICKLY

James 1:19-20
"Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.”

Ephesians 4:26-27
“In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold."

Verse 26 “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry...”

Family Tree: Joy

Family Tree - Part 2
Joy


Joy Killers in the home


1. Conflict

Psalms 55:12-14 “If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship at the house of God, as we walked about among the worshipers.”

Philippians 2:1 “Is there any encouragement from belonging to Christ? Any comfort from his love? Any fellowship together in the Spirit? Are your hearts tender and compassionate? Then MAKE ME TRUELY HAPPY by agreeing wholeheartedly with each other, loving one another, and working together with one mind and purpose.”

2. Criticism

Proverbs 27:15 “A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet; You can’t turn it off, and you can’t get away from it.”

Galatians 5:14-15 For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” But if you are always biting and devouring one another, watch out! Beware of destroying one another

3. Over Committing


If your family tree is not producing joy how do you get it back?


1. Make your home a SAFE PLACE

Proverbs 22:6 “train up a child in the way they should go”

2 Timothy 2:24-25 “And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but must be kind to everyone, a good teacher, and patient. The Lord’s servant must GENTLY teach those who disagree. Then maybe God will let them change their minds so they can accept the truth.

2. Lead your family with a SUSTAINABLE PACE

3. Fill your house with a Spirit of GRACE

Galatians 5:22 “The fruit of the Spirit it love, joy, peace, patience, kindness…"

2 Corinthians 12:9 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

Family Tree: Love

Family Tree Part 1
Love

Galatians 5:22 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

I Corinthians 14:1 “Let LOVE be your GREATEST AIM”

I Corinthians 13:1-3 “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”


How do I make sure LOVE is growing on my family tree?


1. Love GOD PASSIONATELY

Deuteronomy 6:5-7 “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commands that I give you today are to BE UPON YOUR HEART, impress them on your children…”

2. Love YOUR SPOUSE AFFECTIONATELY

3. Love YOUR CHILDREN UNCONDITIONALLY

Three ways to show your children love…

  1. Loving TOUCH

Mark 10:13 “One day some parents brought their children to Jesus so he could touch and bless them.”

b. Encouraging TALK

Proverbs 18:21 “The tongue has the power of life and death.”

Matthew 3:17 “This is my son whom I love and I am well pleased with him”

c. Abundant TIME

Ephesians 5:15-16 “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity,”